Cheers, Ron!
by Comforting Nostalgia
Summary: Ron and Hermione are as idiotic as ever, finding their emotions through equally idiotic letters, and notes from friends, family, and nifty nagging societies. Companion to Smile, Harry! by PhoenixFlameGinny67. DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: So, news flash: J.K. ROWLING HAS RENOUNCED FAMOUS SERIES HARRY POTTER. Now, her supporting character Ron will be lead, and the books will be written entirely out of letters and notes.**

Not really.

**A/N: This is a companion piece for my friend PhoenixFlameGinny67's story, **_**Smile, Harry!**_  
**If you intend to read this, I suggest you read it too, because you need to know who to flame when you decide you hate the idea.**  
**This strictly speaking is an AU piece, and the characters might be a bit OOC. It ships Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny, but as the POV switches between Ron and Hermione, they are the big kahuna. It seems to be the only pair I can ship, most likely because of the passionate arguing that's so fun to toy with. ;) Anyway, the story's style is based off of Jaclyn Moriarty's, and all rights for her book, **_**Feeling Sorry for Celia,**_** remain hers. This whole fanfic is made up of notes and letters from characters, as well as from handy associations who like to pick on people.**  
**Read, Review, & Enjoy!**

**Key: **_Notes, _Letters, **Associations**

* * *

Dear Ron,

How have you been? I hope you've been well since we spoke with each other. I just wanted to make sure we're clear on what we're telling Harry, because we don't want to say two different things, and we don't want to exactly lie. I feel like we were rather vague on instructions when we were told about this.  
Anyway, I hope the rest of your summer's good, and that we talk more soon. Perhaps we'll meet sometime before school.

Happy Holidays,  
Hermione

* * *

Dear Hermione-

Yeah, Hermione, I've been fine. And what the bloody hell are you talking about?  
Ginny just explained what you're talking about.  
And told me to stop using Irremovable Ink.  
Dumbledore didn't tell us to lie to our best mate! He just said not to speak about Snuffles, The Order, the Ministry, You-Know-Who, Cedric, him, us, or...  
Ginny says to stop listing things.  
And to stop writing what she tells me.  
And to throw this away and start over.  
...So, lying sounds good.  
Anyway, maybe I will see you, when you aren't too busy writing to Vicky Crumb. Honestly, I think you need to give it a rest, he tried to kill Harry and Fleur last year in the maze, and he might remind Harry of Cedric! You need to think about stuff like that before you go leaping into a person's arms. Have some consideration.  
And anyway, STOP TALKING ABOUT STUFF LIKE DUMBLEDORE! YOU'RE GOING TO GET US CAUGHT!   
Later,  
RON.  
P.S. Ginny's telling me I'm a git, and to stop capitalising stuff, so it's your fault I'm in an argument with my sister!

* * *

**Mr. Ron,**  
**Well, isn't that sweet? The little boy who can't figure out his feelings, and thus treats the girl he loves horribly...**  
**NO! That is NOT sweet! That is idiotic, and such a boy deserves to be whacked with a cactus! In the face! Several times!**  
**We suggest you pick up your act before we start giving Hermione some tips about catching that Krum. If you don't...**  
**Let's just say the Yule Ball will become a real, recurring nightmare. That lasts FOREVER.**

**Sweetly,**  
**The Young Romance Society**

* * *

_Dumb-brain!__ On your forehead!_

_Hello ickle-dearest!_

_We've gone to the field for some Quidditch. Because you are a lazy slob who refuses to get up earlier than 11 o'clock, we will eat all the strawberries without you, and will be giving Ginny your broom. _

_Have a nice breakfast!_  
_F+G_

_P.S. In case you were wondering, yes, that white cakey stuff around your mouth __IS__ your own slobber. _

* * *

**Hope you liked it! The next chapter will be from Hermione's POV, and that should be up soon. Please review, even if you didn't love it. Critique is always appreciated! Keep checking back for new entries!**


	2. Chapter 2

_Darling! On the desk, next to your books!_

Hermione, dear-

I rearranged your books to make up for the fact that we'll be out of town on short notice. I hope you can fend for yourself- it'll only be three days!  
Some owls came early this morning from school, and your friends. The ones with green ink are from your Professors, the one ripped by talons with mustard smears is Ron's, and Harry's is the one with a scarlet "Help!" on the front. I also believe the Grounds Keeper may have sent a package; be careful opening it. We don't want anymore bites, dear, do we?  
If you want to contact us, mail to Corringham Dentistry, with our names. They'll find us.

Hoping to see you soon!  
Mum  
P.S. Your father reminds you to brush your teeth, three times a day!

* * *

**Dear Mione,**

**You have a nice pile of books. And some jolly assignments. And a pretty fireplace. And some matches. Or better yet, a wand.**

**So... You're going to light that fireplace, nuzzle up on your faux-leather couch, and read about snake fangs and worm bellies, ink flowing profusely as you scribble passionately about a bubbling cauldron?**

**NO! YOU ARE FIFTEEN! You have the house to yourself... WHY AREN'T YOU PARTYING? We've begged you, several times, to use the brain you so proudly hold, AND ACT YOUR AGE! All we ask is that you stop being a bad influence on your "friends" and show some average, adolescent behavior.**

**Forget about the assignments. Forget about your teeth. Forget about the word adolescence. We actually prefer teen.**

**On Our Tight, White Washed Jean Bearing Knees,**

**The Association of Teenagers**

* * *

Dear Daddy,

As I've been alive for a good fifteen years now, living in the same household (as far as I know!), I think I've picked up some hygiene habits. Brushing regularly is one of them.  
And Mum,

THAT IS NOT HOW I ARRANGE MY BOOKS! Chronological publication is for pleasure reading, alphabetical authors is for when I'm traveling, and by subject is for school studies ONLY! Honestly, I think that should be inferable by the way they were scattered! It wouldn't matter, because I'll be packing my trunk soon, but with you two gone, I tend to use them a bit more for entertainment. I admire your attempts, but the telly just doesn't interest me. Perhaps if you found a better news channel?

Anyway, I'm sure I can fix it in no time, it's really nothing, just PLEASE don't do it again. Good luck with your client. I'm guessing, because you don't tend to take romantic spa trips to the dentists office. Oh, the luxurious moonlight bouncing off the toothpicks into your eyes!

With love, your dedicated, telly disliking offspring,  
Hermione.

* * *

Dear Hermione,

I know your parents are dentists, not world renowned chefs, BUT I NEED SOME FOOD OTHER THAN GRAPEFRUIT! Dudley's on a horrid diet, and they think that if for some reason he eats more citrus than an elephant, he'll get "healthy." Maybe you have some edible toothpaste?

But other than that... hows your summer? I'm surprised, I haven't had a single letter yet from you... Perhaps you're back in cahoots with Dobby? Refusing to talk to me until I agree danger is at Hogwarts, and that elves deserve freedom? The latter is their decision, but I'm pretty convinced about the first, so tell him to lay off.

Also, I have a rule: Ron's already been a bit of a git, so I'm starting off blunt. I do not want to talk about Cedric. I don't want to hear that you're sorry, that it wasn't my fault, that you sure next year will be hard, but we'll make it, or that you weren't going to say anything about it. Other than sticking to it, I don't want you to give me any sign of acknowledgement. I just want to forget a little.

I will, however, listen obnoxiously to anything I can get on the news. WHAT IS GOING ON? I can't get the prophet, and Ron didn't mention a thing. Hagrid hasn't sent me a single letter, or horrid pastry, which I could use right now.

Anyway, I don't have much more to talk about, so give me a little something please... Counting the lack of owls flying to my window is getting boring.

Your tired, over-fruited friend,  
Harry

* * *

**Miss Granger,**

**You are about to write a letter to Harry. Who you were told, by a certain wise professor, to be careful with when speaking to. He is fragile. He is a ticking time bomb.**  
**YOU WILL REVIEW YOUR LETTER THIRTEEN TIMES, just to be sure you haven't written something of importance. Keep conversation light, frothy, and sympathetic. Repeat useless things several times to draw out the conversation. Quote famous people, use your parents facts. Gush about how sorry you are that he only eats grapefruit. Oh, pretend you're Mrs. Weasley!**

**….You ARE going to be careful, right?**

**Nervously,**  
**The Always Think Twice Before you Do Or Feel Anything At All Association**

* * *

Dear Harry,

That's horrible, citrus is the worst thing to eat too much of, it will ruin your enamel, and it's not substantial at all! Luckily, I have the perfect paste for that, just make sure you use it nightly. Maybe I can have Mum make some scones, and I can send those... It's just about the only thing she can bake. Everything else comes out like something of Hagrid's.

Also, sorry that I haven't written, I've just been barren of time, or things to say. I just can't think of anything. My mind is... blank. My summer, though happy, has been a bit of a bore. The Prophet hasn't been helpful, there isn't anything to tell. Maybe something interesting will come up soon. In the meantime, we should talk to Ron about meeting at the Burrow.

Anyway, write back! I hope things get better. You know they will.

Love, your light, sympathetic, frothy friend,  
Hermione

* * *

**Dear Hermione,**

**The words come across the page as easily as that knot in your stomach tightens. "There isn't anything to tell."**  
**What a little liar. The Ministry is on his back, the Prophet's calling him crazy day after day, and that Skeeter woman hasn't rested her demon pen all month. Harry needs you! You have to tell him what's going on, so he can put up a bold front, and show the world what he's made of!**  
**But noooo, Professor Dumbledore gave you instructions, you have your reputation at stake, you have to keep him safe...**  
**We hate to tell you, but Mr. Potter has never been one for staying on the safe side. We suggest you follow your friends and hold their backs up down this slippery slope, or else they're going to fall far away from you.**

**Regards,**  
**The Best Friends Club**

* * *

Dear RONALD,

HOW DARE YOU SPEAK ABOUT VICTOR THAT WAY? We've already had this discussion too many times, and I can't believe how your maturity fails to rise above the desire to change his surname to a bit of flaky bread! And according to a letter I got, you're not being very cautious about what you say regarding Cedric anyway, so invalid suggestion, as I'm not surprised to hear. And who are you to yell at ME for speaking about Dumbledore, when YOU'RE the one shouting his name out in a letter? You gave the details!

You should listen to your sister every now and then!

Signed,

Hermione

P.S. I told Harry we could go to the Burrow. Tell your Mum, and figure things out for once!

P.P.S. Tell him to stop using Hedwig! It's not just Snuffles we're worried about... Never mind, I'll do it.

P.P.P.S. Tell your sister it's good advice to not use Irreversible Ink, and ask her to remind me sometime.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: See Chapter 1.**

**A/N: SORRY! I know this is late, but bear with me. If you're reading this you probably are, having endured two chapters already. Or you just skipped ahead. Which I don't recommend: it WILL be confusing. Anyway, hope you enjoy the piece, and read its partner Smile, Harry! By PhoenixFlameGinny67**

* * *

_Ronnie! Over here, chap, by your mother's knitting!_

_Morning Son,_

_I had to head off to work, but I wanted to let you know that you got a letter from "Snuffles," if you know what that means. It's with this one, but make sure you burn it or something afterward. I give you permission to use the Muggle shredder, just to see how it works. When Fred and George came down this morning, I mentioned it to them, and they smirked and mumbled something about fireworks being out of the question... Make sure they stay within reason. Or at least do whatever outside. _

_Speaking of which: We're having guests tonight, so make sure everything's in tip top shape._

_Tidy ho,_  
_Dad_

* * *

Dear Ron,

Hope you're doing well. Apparently you've heard I am too, which is all fine and good, and I'm glad you're reassuring Harry about his godfather, but even still, try to mention me in your letters as little as possible for now. With the whole maze rebirth thing, alerts are going up, and a scared Ministry will be on hyper-alert. I know you're referring to me as Snuffles, and you're just saying a blurb, but I want to remind you. And I don't want you to get in trouble if anything gets found.

I've sent a similar letter to Hermione, so you're on the same page. If you could tell your sister too, I'd be thankful.  
By the way, give her a wink for me, and tell her good job reaching out. Hope she isn't distracted by hormones, like some OTHER friends Harry has.  
Yours truly,  
Snuffles

* * *

**Dear Ronald,**

**You are going to AZKABAN. You're mentioning the conditions of a man who is on the run. Someone at the ministry just a bit less idiotic than you will figure it out and send you to Azkaban. Along with your parents, siblings, Harry, Hermione, Professor Lupin, Dumbledore... And anyone else you are connected to that probably knows quite a bit about it. And the worse part: Snape won't be going with you.**

**Hoping you use your brain,**  
**THE COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION, in close association with Sensible Suggestions at your Service**

* * *

_Oh dearest brother, could thou look over next to the pile of papers?_

_Right, so, RON-_

_Dad gave you permission to use the paper shredder! We would like you to take this opportunity to do some much needed experimentation. For instance, shredding some paper dusted with Pit's Pyro Paprika. We promise that it (sadly) will not harm anyone, so it's alright, you can decline for safety all you want- it won't change a thing. _  
_Sincerely,_  
_Fredrick and Georgius _  
_(Names can't be too embellished, even if you change one a bit)_  
_-_

_Er... By the shredder, then?_  
_Why did you need me to do it again? I should think you're capable of pulling a button, or hitting in a few letters._

_I don't need to do that, right? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TIPE!_

_SO... I'll do it, but only if you clean up afterward. If you don't I'll blame you for the whole thing._  
_-Ron_

* * *

_Dear Ron,_

_We're very un-sorry for your recent injury caused by our idea; it wouldn't harm anyone with an ounce of consciousness. We do apologize for the grounding, but again, using your head, you could have decided to not listen to us. It was your choice to put a known explosive into unknown machinery and see what happened. _

_Get Well As Soon as You Start To Think,_  
_F+G_

* * *

**Dear Ron,**

**"SO... I'll do it." When have those words ever been reassuring when you are doing something for you brothers? You're fifteen years old- we reckon the 3,562 pranks they've pulled on you could teach you something by now. **

**Prove us right someday.**

**Faithfully, **  
**The Always Think Twice Before You Do Or Feel Anything At All Association, researched and co-written by The Memory Trigger Association**

**P.S. We're owling your files to the Always Think Sixteen Times Before You Do Or Feel Anything At All Association. Farewell!**

* * *

Harry,

Sorry. I reckon it must be hard. Hey, I'll have Mum send you some food, okay?

...Never mind. Ginny's already done that. Speaking of which, you've written to my little sister more than you have to methis summer! What's up with that?

Anyway, sorry we can't tell you anything, security and all that. You'll be with us soon, though. Have you heard from Hermione yet? I reckon she's still a bit put out with me.

I dunno what you mean, mate! What betting pool?

Snuffles is fine, by the way. I thought you'd like to know. And Percy's still a great big prat.

Ron

* * *

Ron,

Nah, it's okay. It's me who should be apologizing. I was a bit of a prat in my last letter.

Well, sorry. We're friends. I'll write to you more often if you write to memore often, you great git! What, are you skimping on parchment now?

No, I haven't heard from her. Strange, really, I was expecting rolls and rolls of parchment on how to grieve properly and such rubbish. And where's the admonitions on not doing my homework? I dunno about you mate, but I'm beginning to worry.

Oh, really? Then why is it Ginny's managed to slip me bits of information? Yeah, great ruddy security. Why do I have to be stuck here anyway? And don't give me that "It's-the-safest-place-for-you-Harry!" rubbish. I'm not a completeidiot, despite what seems to be popular belief.

No comment, Ron. You'll have to figure this one out yourself.

Good, I just got a letter from Snuffles. Haven't read it yet. Yeah, Ginny told me. I was sort of hoping I'd be hearing that he'd swallowed his pride and come crawling back by now. Let me know when thatmiracle happens!

Harry

P.S. Tell your Mum thanks for the food. It was fantastic, as usual.

* * *

Ron,

Well, now that you've poked fun at my friends, blamed me for your problems with siblings, and gotten me in trouble with our best friend's godfather, your life is complete. You can go on to vacation in the Americas if you'd like (I recommend the southern end), get doted on by flirtatious flight attendants and hotel staff... Because my life is ruined, I give up...  
As if.  
You can be as rude and dim as you want. I will persist.

Your Unaffected Friend,  
Hermione Granger

* * *

**So hope you enjoyed, and even if you didn't, review regardless. Flames kind of suck, so try to have a point if you're poo-poo-ing me. I haven't stolen any of this from anything except Smile Harry, so no plagiarism screams either. Keep checking for new chapters, and have a nice day. Th-th-that's all folks!**


End file.
